From uucp Fri Sep 29 12:30 PDT 1995 >From selby Fri Sep 29 12:30 PDT 1995 remote from ptdca7.al.intel.com From: selby@ptdca7.al.intel.com Date: Fri, 29 Sep 95 12:30 PDT To: apostalon, harris, mr_58, snelson Subject: mmmmmm....beer Received: from ptdca7.al.intel.com by ptdca2.al.intel.com; Fri, 29 Sep 1995 12:30 PDT Content-Type: text Content-Length: 4601 Status: RO >>If Operating Systems Were Beers... >> >> DOS Beer: >> Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the >> directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an >> 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided >> into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. >> Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep >> drinking it after it's no longer available. >> >> Mac Beer: >> At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can. >> Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. >> When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list >> is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told >> that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you >> to drag your empties to the trashcan. >> >> Windows 3.1 Beer: >> The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like Mac >> Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it allows >> you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you can >> only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are >> drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for apparently >> no reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it. >> >> OS/2 Beer: >> Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS Beers >> simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously >> too, but somewhat slower. Advertises that its cans won't explode when >> you open them, even if you shake them up. You never really see anyone >> drinking OS/2 Beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer >> Manufacturing) claims that 9 million six-packs have been sold. >> >> Windows 95 Beer: >> You can't buy it yet, but a lot of people have taste-tested it and claim >> it's wonderful. The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes >> more like Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look >> inside, the cans only have 16 oz. of beer in them. Most people will >> probably keep drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows >> 95 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the >> small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS beer, >> even though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew. >> >> Windows NT Beer: >> Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This >> causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger refrigerators. The >> can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the company promises to >> change the can to look just like Windows 95 Beer's - after Windows 95 >> beer starts shipping. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, and >> suggested only for use in bars. >> >> Unix Beer: >> Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz. to 64 oz. >> Drinkers of Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though they >> claim that all the different brands taste almost identical. Sometimes >> the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have to have >> your own can opener around for those occasions, in which case you either >> need a complete set of instructions, or a friend who has been drinking >> Unix Beer for several years. >> >> AmigaDOS Beer: >> The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has been picked >> up by some weird German company, so now this beer will be an import. >> This beer never really sold very well because the original manufacturer >> didn't understand marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS Beer fans are an >> extremely loyal and loud group. It originally came in a 16-oz. can, but >> now comes in 32-oz. cans too. When this can was originally introduced, >> it appeared flashy and colorful, but the design hasn't changed much >> over the years, so it appears dated now. Critics of this beer claim >> that it is only meant for watching TV anyway. >> >> VMS Beer: >> Requires minimal user interaction, except for popping the top and sipping. >> However cans have been known on occasion to explode, or contain extremely >> un-beer-like contents. Best drunk in high pressure development >> environments. When you call the manufacturer for the list of ingredients, >> you're told that is proprietary and referred to an unknown listing in the >> manuals published by the FDA. Rumors are that this was once listed in the >> Physicians' Desk Reference as a tranquilizer, but no one can claim to have >> actually seen it.